oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
