Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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