Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
