I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
