Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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