She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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