I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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