Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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