i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
