You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
