its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think your dad took our porno
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
