You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
