I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
