I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
