i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
