I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
