dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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