If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize