I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
