i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
