The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
