Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
