Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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