Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
