He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
