the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
