my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
