Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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