we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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