have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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