If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
