I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
