i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
