I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
