I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
