i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
