My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
