cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
