i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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