Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
