if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
