There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
