I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I will die if light touches me.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
