I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We have started to decorate penises.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
