i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You made out with two different species that night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
