It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
