Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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