Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize