i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
