Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
