I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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