everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
