if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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