he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
