Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
