My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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