Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
