So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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