Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
