Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Randomize
