Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
