Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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