Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
