Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
