just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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