I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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