i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
