Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
