Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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