You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
this will be a night to untag.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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