Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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