i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
