You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
