He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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