do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize