I must be too annoying 4 u.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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