The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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