now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
