yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
