he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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