God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
