Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
