I'm so fucking centered right now
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
