awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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