I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize